Archived fic rec - Here Is The Deepest Secret Nobody Knows

[sakura_no_miko]

Title: Here is the Deepest Secret Nobody Knows

Author: calciseptine

Fandom: Thor (film, 2011)

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: (Lady)Loki/Thor

Warnings: BDSM, explicit sex (gay and het), rough sex, dubcon, pegging, underage(?) sex

Other notes: kink meme fill, genderswap, shapeshifting, a-chronological order,

Length: 15k

Summary: Thor/Loki/Lady Loki, Thor loves dominating Loki, but he also loves being dominated by Lady Loki

 

Now, this right here is a dark and sickly alluring fic. Each time I read it, I’m simultaneously drawn in and slightly horrified. At some points, you can’t tell where the dub-con ends and the D/S kink begins, where the hate-sex ends and the twisted codependent relationship begins.

That said, it’s an amazing read if you’re okay with angst and, well, something pretty far from happy sappy love stories.

There are just too many details that shine out to me–Loki slipping from skin to skin, life to life, different every time Thor finds him/her. Thor realizing that Loki knows every dark secret inside of him and accepts it. Thor’s musing that his sweet, soft love for Sif and Jane–well, read it:

Centuries have passed since then and much has changed, yet what Thor felt for Loki then is the same as what he feels for Loki now. He cannot call it love. Love was Sif and her tenacity; love was Jane and her kindness. Both were brief and bright and so terribly unlike the unbreakable and obsessive desire between him and Loki. What is between them is the height of vanity, the deepest of needs, and love more than love. Thor cannot give it name.

Everything’s tinged with melancholy and violence.

I’m not gonna lie–both the sex scenes are uncomfortable. Thor and Loki’s first time is every shade of dub-con possible, full of sick guilt and violent, possessive need and Lady Loki and Thor’s tryst is brutal. Well, most of Thor and Lady Loki’s interactions are brutal, really, cruel in a way that gets right under my skin.

Probably the most interesting part, to me, is the sense that there is no resolution, really. This something that’s been going on for millenia, from long before the Avengers formed to long after. You get the feeling you’re just seeing two scenes of many, many that have taken place over the ages. There’s no moment of sudden realization, no moment of “this, finally, is how we will change things,” just a quiet acceptance that the two of them have carved out some small niche for themselves where they can take what the get–what they need, really.

It’s a fascinating and troubling fic.

 

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Originally posted on tumblr on 11/11/12