Fic rec - from the threshold of the year to come

[sakura_no_miko]

Title: from the threshold of the year to come

Author: Sol1056

Fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Shiro/Keith, Lance/Pidge, Allura/Lotor

Warnings: explicit sex (gay), PTSD, discussion of power imbalances, brief discussion of alcoholism, sad drunk people, background parental death, physical disability,

Other notes: office affair, canon disabled character, adoptive family, impostor syndrome, slow burn, misunderstandings, delayed relationship

Length: 60k

Summary:

A new prosthesis, a new job, a new team... Shiro might've found a place he belongs, where he can settle down and get his life together. Too bad that's exactly when he meets the one person who'll turn it all upside-down again.

"This is Dr Shirogane," Allura tells the gathered teams. "He teaches physics at the university."

Shiro can feel his ears getting hot. He's wearing jeans and biker boots, for christ's sake. It's his day off. At least she keeps the introduction simple. If she goes into a recitation of his speciality, he's ready to diffuse the confusion with a joke about studying rocket science. It's one of the only benefits after so many sleepless nights writing his dissertation.

 

(Editing note: So sometimes I move my recs around in the queue, and then I end up posting them out of order, so when I say something like, “this is similar to this fic I already rec’ced” I suddenly realize, wait, no, that one wasn’t posted yet. Whoops.)

Apparently characters taking a really long time to get together and/or bang full constitutes “unbearably tense” for me. Somehow I’ve walked into slow burn territory after weeks of serial killers.

I don’t read a lot of slow burn, at least not on purpose. I mean, I enjoy a good slow burn fic, but after a point I can only read so many 50k+ stories. Sometimes I just want quick satisfaction.

I think the slowest burn fic I’ve read was the Not Part of the Plan series. Swear to God, it’s the slowest burn story ever that actually starts with the characters having sex. Also it took 3 years to read all of it, so there was literal real life slow burning going on.

But this fic — agh, this fic was painful, because there are just so many reasons why the guys aren’t getting together. They’re shy, there’s miscommunication, and there’s ethics. I’m lucky, myself, that I never had a work crush. I’ve seen workplace romances end badly. You can have a completely mutual breakup and it’s still awkward to be anywhere in the vicinity.

I — actually, I’m tempted to talk about my own love life here, because I do know what it’s like to crush on someone you share a space with. Two words here: college dorms. I shouldn’t, though. I think I spend a little too much time interjecting my own experiences here. But, then again — isn’t that where a lot of the emotional involvement comes in? Empathizing with the characters?

Still, even if I wasn’t personally familiar, there’s just that aching empathy of, this character is a really good guy, and he’s trying, and he doesn’t deserve to be in as much pain and frustration as he is, and he could be so happy, he’s so close to being happy, but…ethics. Wrong place, wrong time to meet.

But, I gotta re-focus here. I love the environment in this story. Admittedly I’m not familiar with academia, the military, or corporate/research environments. This place feels like the sort of thing people mean when they say they enjoy going to work. (Oh, man, that sounded sad as soon as I wrote it.) You can tell there are problems — there’s gossip and questionable requests and paperwork and way too many meetings, but…maybe it says way too much about me and my current job, but…being in a work environment where you mostly get along and you have goals and you feel like you are actually doing something sounds really nice. Although at the same time, I really feel Keith — it feels like a place for “smart people.” “Talented people.” Not the sort of place your average guy just wanders into. Shiro has some impostor syndrome going on too, poor thing. Like the whole interviews thing — I actually didn’t interview for my current job, I just got promoted up because someone left abruptly, and I still don’t feel like I’m entirely comfortable. (My manager swears he hasn’t interviewed in 20 years — just got promoted or suggested by other people. I can’t even imagine that.) Which was kind of nice, but at the same time I am terrified of interviewing again.

Also — all the details with Shiro and his prosthetic arm. Even just in the first chapter, when he gets an updated prosthesis:

Shiro signs his name with his right hand, sees the signature he'd once known as himself, as much as his appearance and his voice. Another breath, and for the first time in seven years, he writes in Japanese. First his family name, then his own. He's spent seven years signing cards to distant elderly relatives with his English name, never able to reconcile the awkward scrawl of kanji from his left hand with who he was, inside. And now he's regained that.

I do love that a lot of authors have worked through Shiro’s feelings about losing his arm, but this one was a rare one where he actually gets to be happy about his prosthetic arm (being a non-canon AU probably helps a lot with that). He can write his own name again. And the cultural references are on point. It’s usually a small thing, but sometimes you read fics from anime fandom, but the references are American or pertain to English, and it’s a tiny thing but it always sticks out to me. So Shiro not only having trouble writing, but re-learning complex kanji is just this precious detail.

And later on, there is a completely tender scene where he has to take his arm off, and Keith is right there to help him with it.

"Can I?" Keith holds up his hands, not quite touching.

Shiro nods, awed when Keith takes the arm between his hands, massaging gently. He starts at the upper arm, working his way down. After a moment, Keith lets go. "I'll be right back." He launches himself off the bed, tearing out of the room, back almost immediately with a bottle of lotion from the bathroom. Keith slathers a dollop on his hands, and gets to work. Shiro can only stare at the top of Keith's head, torn between enjoying the sensation of being touched, and waiting for the agonizing moment where he'll wake from the dream.

A third helping of the lotion and Keith makes himself comfortable between Shiro's legs with his back to Shiro. He's down to the forearm and the stump just above Shiro's wrist. His thumbs are doing most of the work, sweeping firm moves that make Shiro's skin tingle and his muscles feel heavy. Shiro slides his free arm around Keith's waist, urging Keith to lean backwards, Shiro's stump resting on Keith's thigh. Keith is down to the very end, fingers soothing another palmful of lotion into the skin until it tingles, coming awake.

"Thank you," Shiro says, when Keith finishes.

He tightens the muscles and relaxes them, and for a moment he can feel a fist clenching, fingers curled against his palm. He blinks and the sensation passes, with a dart of pain up his arm. He must've tensed, because Keith wraps his hands around Shiro's stump, gently, and pulls it towards Keith's stomach until Shiro is embracing him from behind. Keith sighs and leans back, turning his head so his forehead is against Shiro's neck.

Ahh, again. I think Shiro mentions earlier that most people either ignore his arm or shy away from it, so Keith — just, Keith being tender and thoughtful, agh. Such perfect hurt/comfort there. Also, I gotta say, the word “stump” really got to me. Like, Shiro just mentioned how people got really awkward around his missing arm, and I’m sitting here thinking the same thing — the word “stump” does make me slightly uncomfortable, because I don’t think I’d know how to react at first either. But, ah, Keith is just so — so comfortable, and it makes Shiro comfortable too.

Anyway, slow burn, and my boy Shiro getting the most excellent hurt/comfort — a good job, good friends, and a very long but successful wait to pick up a new…husband, as it turned out. Did it make all the painful miscommunication and the horrendous waiting worth it? Yes, I think so. And that’s always the best resolution to a slow burn fic.

Looking for more fic recs?

Originally posted on pillowfort on 01/26/19